to those days in delhi...

i think of delhi as the city of my growing up.
where i found that i wasn't the person that i thought i was.
where i found the person that i would be for those few years, someone i was happy to be.

in hindsight atleast.

my city of discovery, to drive a cliche up the wall.

perhaps it was because of the short duration, or the unwillingness to accept (or let go), that i could never call it home.

but it's the one place i had found my space in. not the kind of space that you could run away to and lock yourself in. but the kind of space that you had to define for yourself, keeping in mind that there would come a time, when this precious space would stifle as well. so it was actually all about finding the right people who would rescue your from your space.. from yourself.

so it seems to have little to do with geographical locations, and more to do with these right people. but to carry on for argument's sake...

it was essentially the convenient kind of reality, where temporary escape is possible. atleast not unforgivable.

besides, who's to forgive or not?

honestly, it was just a life riddled with immaturities - ironic that i'd call it my growing up.

i suppose i'd call it a journey of learning, where mistakes were inexpensive, and frequent. confidence in attitude was all that it took to survive, and even declare oneself victorious. where victory itself was often brittle, and always meaningless.

i didn't soak in the history and culture of the city. i didn't enjoy the distance and the grime. i didn't learn about the people and the cosmopolitan ways. the capital of the country didn't inspire patriotism.

the city itself had little to do with my growing up.

maybe it was the cosmic alignment, where the planets and the soul sisters came together in the exact location, at the exact time in our lives, and in history itself... a karmic favour granted by the universe.

or just a truly random event.

in any case, there we were all together, and in our togetherness, i found delhi.
or that seemingly fictitious place where i found myself. or that self that i miss so much.

going back to delhi tomorrow, i don't expect to have memories jump out of the ruins and dust, and slap me into nostalgia. maybe a little. but i expect to have a screaming frenzy of breaking free, and doing my thing, my way.

if that was my youth, and the feeling just described here is of the rush of young blood through my veins, then lord! i feel old!