to jasper and emmett

my rockstar dreams weren't entirely frivolous, you know.

i really did see myself as a soft rock balladeer, jewel meets sheryl crow meets ingrid michaelson. making it all up as i go. not a as performer. not as a musician. more like a soundtrack designer.

desultory but at least *there*.

how can music be so important to someone who cannot create it?

of course, it is simply (and wholly) that i am too lazy.

but for argument's sake, maybe there's something deeper that stops me.

maybe i'm afraid it might turn into something academic. technical. uncomfortable?
like formalizing it, or even bringing an external agent into this love story might just ruin it. for good. having to listen to someone else's opinion about the details. and more.

the point is, i love how i love music today. i love the way i sometimes get lost in it, and some other times, it just passes me by. do i want to be distracted by the various elements that make it that 'good'? and for god's sake, am i trying to create something that 'good' - even in duplicate?

(find bliss in ignorance, i always say.)

there's another (very significant) part of me, that is terrified of sucking at it.

isn't the fear of failure the single largest obstacle to learning anything new in the later years of one's life?
the ego steps in the way. all the 'love' becomes secondary. such a cruel tragedy, and so easy to blame one's upbringing.
if only being successful wasn't such a priority, imagine the heights one might have scaled!

all valid points, if i hadn't gone and bought 2 guitars of course.